Practicing the principle of unconditional love in the Twelfth Step is essential. No one needs unconditional love more than a suffering drug addict.
Step Guide, Twelfth Step, “Spiritual Principles”
Judging from our experiences before NA, many of us believed that love only comes with conditions. This was often true in our families and relationships while we were using. We were loved as long as we got decent grades, had a gainful job, looked presentable, or could make excuses to avoid arrest. We internalized these messages and blamed ourselves for not being good enough. We felt ashamed of our very existence. Many of us turned these feelings of guilt and shame outward. We judged others based on how we felt about ourselves.
Fortunately, working the program allows us to examine and discard much of this dysfunctional thinking. The members' willingness to love and support us unconditionally makes this work possible. Their unconditional love helps us out of that pit of despair and self-loathing.
When we begin to work the Twelfth Step, we have the ability to give back what we have received by offering unconditional love to other suffering addicts. Our self-esteem increases as we do worthy deeds. As one member shared: “After going to a meeting at the local prison every month for a year, I started to believe that maybe I was a good person, worthy of love!”
Learning to practice unconditional love is a process. The love of other members supports us along the way. According to one member's experience: "If I had to wait until I loved myself, I might not have succeeded." A tight hug outside a gathering, sharing our story at a Hospitals and Foundations gathering, walking newcomers, even a friendly smile of recognition – we give and receive these acts of unconditional love. And that's what keeps us coming.
Today I will give the unconditional love that was (and is) given to me so freely.
