Empathy is the ability to connect with others on a heart and spirit level
Living Purely, Chapter 5, “Friendship”
Many of us have had the experience of hearing someone else tell our story. We love it when we see ourselves in the details of how another member went about "finding them, taking them, and devising ways and methods to find more" as we did. But relating to the details is not typical at all, so how do we identify with other people's experience when, in fact, it is not our own?
Identification does not require that we come from the same place. After all, reaching the "bottom" often has little to do with the circumstances we are in. Our willingness to give recovery a chance can arise in completely different contexts. One member shared: “From the looks of it, I had it all. And yet, I felt isolated and alone, filled with fear, resentment, and regret. Another recalled: “The source of my despair was not life on the streets. It came from this empty pain of hopelessness, shame and sadness deep inside me." Many of us will identify with both stories—and so many others—because they express the emotional state that precedes the gift of despair.
We share some revealing details in our stories because it keeps us in touch with where we came from and what awaits us if we return to use. We address that desperation and get back to basics with our First Step. And that's where we connect as well. Empathy has the power to unite us, regardless of our stories. One member shared: “The illness will tell me 'you're not like those people, but my spirit can't help but connect when I focus on the feelings!'”
As we stay pure and experience the Twelve Steps, our ability to connect with heart and spirit expands. Beyond the stories of use that mark us as drug addicts, we share a common path, a spiritual program in which we learn to practice living a principle-centered life. Recovery gives us access to the full range of emotions we will need to respond to life's ups and downs. When groups DO make personal sharing safe, we can muster the courage to share our feelings—good, bad, and ugly—and give room for empathy to grow.
I will listen with empathy, connecting with others with my heart and spirit. I will reveal more about my emotional life so others can connect with me.
