To be asked to coordinate, to serve, to take responsibility, is an act of humiliation for a recovering addict.
Twelve Perceptions, Fourth Perception
While using, most of us were not asked to tune anything. When we had such experiences, they were usually an opportunity for our character flaws to feed like vampires on the blood of their victims. Our voracious need for perfection and confirmation, our self-assertion, competitiveness and attention-seeking, characterized these states. Some others collapse from self-doubt. We couldn't ask for help, felt like we had nothing to offer, or were too made up to show up. These experiences only succeeded in making us more isolated and fearful and even less willing to take responsibility if anyone bothered to ask us again.
When it comes to services, the double whammy of low self-esteem and high confidence follows us into the rooms. If we are asked to take out the trash, we need to ask someone: "Where?" and this still can be difficult for us. If we are asked to moderate a gathering, we need reassurance that there is no need to impress them with war stories - real or imagined - or seduce them with our comedy. All we have to do is show up and be honest. When we lack humility, everything is more complicated than it needs to be.
If we are willing, we will end up in service positions that suit our innate talents – some of them will help us grow with support and others will expose our flaws to the bone. Humility is the means that allows us to take responsibility without serving our ego. We can do something well without showing off, just as we can do something awkwardly, or even fail at it, gracefully.
The next time I am asked to serve, I will do it to the best of my ability. That's what really matters.
