We contribute to maintaining unity in our gatherings by showing loving care in the way we speak and the way we treat one another.
It works, how and why, First Tradition, “Application of spiritual principles”
Speaking and treating other members with love, care, and respect is usually easy… but not always. But that depends on us. To act in unison, we need self-awareness.
Maybe the fear of saying the wrong thing to the member who is regretting losing 20 years of purity makes us pass her by. Instead of reassuring her, we say nothing. This act, stemming from our discomfort, she takes to be a harsh criticism of her relapse. Maybe it's this period of intense depression we're going through that leads us to lash out at a younger new member who misplaced the chairs. And the story of that fellow supporter who's shared it three times already this week! We can't help but roll our eyes. Did we just forget to eat?
We don’t mean to hurt or belittle. We don’t always know the right thing to say. And we don’t all show—or receive—love, care, and respect in the same ways. In times of need, one member may reach out to us with warmth and a nonjudgmental ear. Another may demand, “Get the cotton out of your ears!” in the style of old-school tough love. A gesture of physical contact—a friendly hand on the shoulder or that big NA hug—will most often be welcomed, but sometimes it will be rejected.
Our experience tells us that we must be doing something right because so many addicts come to meetings and stay clean. We may not always practice “love and care” perfectly, but we are getting better at it. We learn to be patient and kind, even when expressing our opinions and suggestions. We try to overcome our discomfort and uncertainty, because we care about each other – and we want to show it. And we listen to each other’s stories (no matter how many times we hear them) and we try to show respect because we value our group, even when one of its members annoys us. The more we try to be supportive, the more we practice the principle of unity.
To promote unity, I will try to be mindful of my words and actions today, keeping in mind “the therapeutic value of one addict helping another.”
