By asking for help, we can change. Sharing is scary sometimes, but by becoming vulnerable we are able to grow.
Core Text, Chapter 9, “Just for Today-Living the Program”
As children, some of us became completely self-sufficient out of necessity, because the people and institutions that were supposed to care for and help us systematically failed us. This skill helped us get through our days of using—until it didn’t. Some of us certainly sought help when we used, but it wasn’t to help us grow. The help we sought was to feed our addiction and often put us in dangerous situations. We were vulnerable but not safe.
The act of coming to NA is an admission that we need help. But do we think about our personal and spiritual growth as we come to our first meeting? For most of us, the answer would be a resounding no! We just want to stop using. One member shared, “Asking for help was not an option. It meant I was weak, a whiner, a loser. It could backfire on me and I would be humiliated, rejected, or abandoned, because that’s what happened when I showed vulnerability out there.”.
Sharing in recovery comes with some risks. Rejection is possible and real. We expose ourselves to feelings of shame and guilt. And who wants to experience any of that? Sometimes the risk has to do with accountability—like, if we tell someone what we're thinking or feeling, then we might have to do something about it. However, keeping quiet and doing it alone makes us less safe. We become more afraid, our isolation intensifies, and then breaking out can seem like a good idea.
As we grow in recovery, the pain we experience from isolation or our behaviors eventually outweighs the pain of sharing what is happening to us. Our experience of sharing with other members shows that, overall, we find acceptance, support, and love. We learn that it takes courage to be vulnerable. Our desire to grow as recovering addicts overshadows our fears of feeling exposed.
I will assess what I might be hiding and where I am afraid to become vulnerable. I may not make the choice to ask for help today – but I know I am safer if I do.
