As we learn to accept ourselves, we can begin to view others with the same acceptance and tolerance.
Just for today, “Expectations”, July 29
Working the NA program unfolds a significant need for self-acceptance, and we slowly move forward on this journey. Our work also reveals that the people who bother us the most are also some of our greatest teachers. Just like us, they deserve our acceptance and empathy. There is a two-way relationship between self-acceptance and tolerance of those who bother us. We learn this from the hard truth that we often share some very similar characteristics with these people. As we extend grace and appreciation to other flawed people in our lives, it is often easier for us to treat our own less-than-perfect selves with the same compassion.
But on the other hand, how is tolerance a spiritual principle? Shouldn’t we just be unconditionally loving and accepting of everyone? “Earlier in my recovery,” one member observed, “I rejected tolerance as a spiritual principle because when I applied it to the person who was driving me crazy, there was nothing spiritual in my head. I wanted to go straight to acceptance … or gouge their eyes out. But now I see it as an act of love.”
“Tolerance, in my mind,” another member replied, “is like a spiritual principle that is a stopover. It is a stopover on a flight of many stopovers on the way to our final destination: acceptance.”
“Or it’s a spiritual principle of meze,” joked another member. “You eat it first, to rest before the appetizer of empathy. And maybe unconditional love is the dessert.”
However we do it, tolerance helps us combat the unrealistic expectations we place on others' behavior and our own mental state.
However we do it, tolerance helps us combat the unrealistic expectations we place on others’ behavior and our own spiritual state. Whether we practice it with an open heart or gritted teeth, it helps us not act out of fear or anger or express our impatience with others who may not be as far along in their journey as we believe.
Today, when I practice tolerance, I will know that it is directly related to my level of self-acceptance. I will try to let people be where they are and focus on what I can change about myself to invite peace.
