Sometimes the path to forgiving ourselves begins with forgiving someone else for their own unforgiveness.
Living Clean, Chapter 5, “Reparations and Reconciliation”
At first glance, this quote may sound like a riddle, but our experience validates its wisdom. The hope we have to be forgiven is human. Despite advice to the contrary, we sometimes harbor expectations about how redress should be received. We have ideas about how and when we will be forgiven. We look forward to the relief it will bring – only to be disappointed at times.
Given the harm we've caused, it's understandable that some people may not readily forgive us. Still, this hurts. Our wisdom that "expectations are just premature dissatisfaction" now makes even more sense. Regardless of how our redress was received, we are doing our best on our end to put any malicious action behind us.
We take responsibility for the damage we have caused and make a sincere effort to compensate for our mistakes and change our behavior. We release those expectations we had about receiving forgiveness, leave behind any bad feelings we had built up about ourselves, and – in time – find forgiveness for ourselves and for those who could not forgive us. Letting all of this go frees up a lot of space within us as well as a lot of energy.
We're not so attached to how our official fix was or wasn't received - we've done the work to make things right, whether others acknowledge it or not. Our actions lead us to a deeper level of self-acceptance – who we were then and who we are now. We can focus our energy on becoming the best version of ourselves by continuing to work the Twelve Steps.
Today I will empathize with those who have not yet forgiven. I will reflect on forgiveness in my Eleventh Step work and try to forgive on a deeper level. I will forgive others who do not forgive me.
