It can be easy to get stuck in patterns. Vigilance is essential to prevent old patterns from recurring.
Living Clean, Chapter 2, “Connecting with Ourselves”
We used to get completely stuck, didn't we? We got caught up in impulsive patterns that seemed impossible to break for long. Our first real hope of freedom from the grip of our illness came when we found NA. When we admitted our powerlessness over our addiction, the possibility of new, stable, constructive patterns of behavior became a real possibility.
It’s a relief to be off the toxic path of our past, but staying on the road to recovery requires vigilance. It takes practice to break free from destructive patterns and develop new, healthier habits. The good news is that we can now see our illness coming, and we can usually prevent old behaviors before they get too bad. However, in moments of intense struggle or monotonous complacency, thoughts of immediate relief come to mind. Rather than risk falling back into our old ways, we sometimes find new distractions disguised as recovery. “I soon found new bad behaviors to give me the same intensity, even ones that seemed superficially helpful. One moment I was taking on a service commitment, or maybe two, and the next I was in full-blown obsession, ignoring my family and other responsibilities.” The member continued: “Practice mindfulness is serious business. It reminds me that there is danger out there and inside my head.”
How do we stay vigilant? Sharing what is happening to us is vital. We learn to be vulnerable and open to suggestions. Regardless of the Step we are officially in, we can take stock on the spot and discuss it with a friend or our supporter. We can expand the way we work a program: talk to more newcomers, complete a commitment without rejoining the same committee, or take on a new challenge. Or work through the Traditions book in the Guiding Principles or meditate on these references every day.
As is the case in most recovery, we do not practice vigilance alone. Often, it is the NA members we are close to who notice—before we do—that we are straying into the wilderness. It is the insightful, protective gaze of a fellow member and the wisdom among us that helps us hold on to what we have and gives us the courage to walk a different path. We create new patterns. Again.
Vigilance keeps me alert, on track, and free. I will consider my options, open up to another addict, and be open to suggestions that can prevent old patterns from creating new problems.
