We learn when it is important to stand up for our principles and when it is better to step aside in the name of unity, knowing that a loving God is ultimately in charge.
Living Clean, Chapter 1, “Why We Stay”
We encounter different perspectives in recovery and NA services. We may all be on the same path, working towards a common goal, but ultimately we are at different points on that road. For example, some of us take years to write the Steps, while others work on one Step a month.
Some groups vote and others make decisions by consensus. Guided by our mentors, we take an approach that works. It's natural to think we're doing things the right way. From there, it's a small leap to believe that ours is the only right way, and that's a slippery slope to self-righteousness.
Accepting that members have different views and apply the program's tools differently helps us understand the difference between unity and uniformity. There is, after all, more than one way to eat an apple. We learn to pick our battles and let go of our need to always be right. A wise advocate once said: "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?"
Knowing when to be firm and when to bend is a sign of maturity in recovery. We learn to trust the process, and this frees us from the burden of always having to be right. We end up relying on the good or God we find in the NA. We bring unity to our teams and relationships by allowing others—and ourselves—to make mistakes, avoiding self-righteousness, and standing firm in our convictions.
When I'm feeling reactive and stubborn, I can take a deep breath, let go of my self-righteousness, and step aside. In silent surrender, I will seek humility and understanding in the name of unity.
