…we learn that people see goodness in us that we may not see in ourselves. Fellow travelers mirror ourselves and show us how we have changed.
Living Purely, Chapter 2, “Connecting with Others”
In the early days of getting clean, most of us feel absolutely awful about ourselves. We are sick of deprivation. We hate everyone, whether we know them or not. We feel shame, mostly because we got caught. We're pissed off with prisons, institutions and, in some cases, not dying. Our future prospects are equally bleak: We have to go to these stupid gatherings for the rest of our lives, and we can never use drugs again. And we must offer, offer, offer at the gathering, to each other, to our father who ruined us in the first place because of his use, to the old lady who lives in the apartment below, even though she is mean to us. And we have to always be kind and talk about our problems and listen to other people's problems and help other addicts who are more confused than us. Being even remotely positive about our future takes incredible effort.
Eventually, our resistance bends. We do the deal - rallies, advocate, Steps, service - and we're there for newcomers. We find a Higher Power and begin to pray and meditate. We forgive dad and make sure he has all his meds (and we don't take any of them). We gratefully accept our elderly neighbor's awful holiday fruitcake and pick up her little dog's poop when she doesn't. When she criticizes our new tattoo, we smile instead of plotting her death. Sometimes we do these things reluctantly, but usually they are now second nature to us.
From time to time, people notice it. After we hand out some pamphlets to a newcomer, an old-timer who remembers who we were when we first came in hugs us (more than usual) and looks deep into our eyes, tears welling up. "What happens;" Ask me. It is strange. "You", the member tells us, "are very different...".
We react. "Oh come on now!" All we did was give someone flyers! But our resistance to it is also breaking. We do the right thing, say "thank you" and hug them too.
I will strive to be kind and generous today. If someone points it out, I'll say "thanks". I can acknowledge that to them and at the same time acknowledge that I have changed.
