We are free to change our minds, change our perspective and change our lives. Freedom means that we are no longer just surviving.
Living Clean, Chapter 3, “Awakening Our Spirituality”
In active addiction, we lived in a basic survival mode. We neglected responsibilities and ignored the consequences of our actions or inaction. We were completely vulnerable to our flaws. We were self-destructing and hurting others. One member reported the following metaphor: “I was on a roller coaster ride that started out fun. … but then it made me sick. But then, I couldn't get off of it."
Even though simply surviving made us unhappy, even the slightest hint that we could change would cause us to get defensive: "That's just the way I am!". We were trapped! Trapped by our resistance to get off "the roller coaster" we were on. Fearing and avoiding change, even today, we are sometimes trapped by our willful denial and intransigence.
If we exclude ourselves, change is inevitable. Recovery helps us deal with this fact. For ourselves, change is a net positive. It is a force that works through the freedom of choice we now have. "Freedom is not just a state of being," the member continued. "We put it into practice by choosing to change. We are no longer stuck on a nauseating ride. We are leaving behind the amusement park of active addiction. Life in recovery is a whole different ballpark!”
As we realize our true self, we achieve some freedom in SE. Maybe it's not so much that we change but more that we become who we really are. We become less attached to our history - we can write a new story. We can reexamine aspects of ourselves that we never thought to question – our religion, our political beliefs, our musical tastes, even the food we eat. We can be curious. We are free to not be so cool.
Being clear allows us to challenge our perceptions and patterns of behavior, to be and feel a little less trapped. We don't act impulsively as often - a breath provides the moment to respond with love, not fear. At our best, we are flexible, evolving, able to be influenced by others. There is freedom in an open mind. We learn how to say no and how to say yes.
While there will be times when we go back to just surviving, we don't have to stop there. We have a new life to live.
I will live this day consciously and with purpose. By choosing to change, I choose to be myself. I choose freedom.
