Our instinct is to treat illness with illness, but when we treat it with love and compassion, we create an opportunity for recovery.
Guiding Principles, First Delivery, “For Members”
As harmonious as we want Narcotics Anonymous to be, there are times when another member's behavior really bothers us and seems to demand that we respond in kind. They might lash out at us verbally or try to push us into a physical fight. A member's actions may endanger our gathering space. We've also seen members try to undermine a team decision, and when it doesn't go their way, take to social media to badmouth NA. And what about members who act in these ways but never make amends for their behavior? How dare they disturb our peace?!
Most likely our first impulse will be to respond to someone else's resentment, selfishness or accusations – with our own. We can, however, calm our own anger – and examine its source. Treating others' illness with compassion means suspending our judgment. We try to separate the person from their illness. They may be having a hard time. Maybe we unwittingly disrespected them and they don't know how to express their pain in another way. Perhaps they are afraid of making a mistake and seem flustered in the face of confrontation. Maybe they are just misinformed. And maybe we're more alike than we care to admit. Correctly! At the end of the day, we all recover as best we can.
Having compassion for someone else does not mean ignoring the issues that arise. By prioritizing unity, we end up practicing far more acceptance than our illness would otherwise dictate. We may not understand where someone is coming from, but we can recognize the feelings and relate. Ideally, our response will take into account what is best for the common good.
With practice, we spend a little less energy thinking about how we might deal with illness with illness. Instead, we learn the benefits of responding with compassion.
The next time someone lashes out at me or the team, I'll try to deal with them with compassion instead of my ego. What's best for the team is best for my recovery.
