It's not what we think about our recovery, but what we do.
Living Clean, Chapter 1: Living Clean, introductory text
When we first appear in recovery, we may think that everyone in the room is lying. One member recalled thinking, "They can't possibly be this happy ... and really, no one can stay clean for 30 years, let alone 30 days straight." We may even tell ourselves that there is no way we can stop using and have a fulfilling life. Despite our internal monologue, we continue to show up at gatherings and carve out some clean time. We accept proposals, get a commitment, find a sponsor and start working the Steps – all the while thinking: This won't work for me. We do our best to ignore that sneaky little voice inside of us. Besides, what we've been doing so far hasn't really worked either.
As we take these practical actions, the burden is lifted from our hearts. We experience moments of joy and freedom – pure. We realize we did all these things we told ourselves weren't happening. We are now six months clean and our lives are much fuller than we thought they could be. When we share in gatherings, we realize that we have become those people we thought were lying to us.
One of the most practical things we do is to come and tell the truth about our lives. When we no longer have to make up stories and excuses, a lot of mental energy is released. We share our wins, the process, and the chaos as it happens to us. While illness still speaks to us, today recovery also knocks to remind us that we are exactly where we need to be.
Doing the process allows us to live in the present. We have a solid foundation and framework of relationships in the recovery team. Our world has become fuller and more fulfilling. We have found a family in Narcotics Anonymous. We want more of these gifts, so we keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing the things that brought us to this point.
Today I'm going to take a hands-on approach to my recovery. I will thank the “committee” in my head for sharing and take positive actions that enhance my recovery and my life.
