We begin to notice the difference between what we say, what others hear, and how they react. Thus, we may begin to profoundly change all our relationships.
Living Purely, Chapter 7, “Principles, Application, and Understanding”
We don't have to be clean long enough to know that our communication skills need some work. We find ourselves more and more ready to connect, really connect, with other people. We should learn to build bridges, not tear them down. Becoming better communicators – and better people, for that matter – means shedding some old patterns and adopting some new ones.
Gossip is one of those old communication habits that we may need to rethink. We may have thought we were connecting with others when we told information that wasn't ours to share. Even when the news seems harmless, gossip makes us seem untrustworthy. We learn to resist the urge to fill every gap in every conversation with hearsay, speculation, and innuendo. We become more comfortable with some breaks in our conversations and learn the value of listening more and talking less. We adopt a new habit of asking questions and practicing empathy and open-mindedness as we listen to others' points of view.
Some of us suffer from overthinking, not overtalking. We question the logic of speaking, keeping what's on our minds to ourselves. We may think we are discreet, but keeping our experiences and ideas to ourselves often keeps others at a distance. We may seem shallow or stuck up, while maybe we're just shy. Sure, there's risk involved in throwing our ideas out on the table, but that vulnerability allows us to connect.
To complicate matters, communication involves much more than talking and listening. All these non-verbal cues we exchange – facial expressions, body language, eye contact, touch – add meaning. Communication is complicated! Often the best strategy is to check whether we understood correctly or were understood.
Today I'm going to take a closer look at the way I communicate with others and identify a spot or two that I need to work on.
