Only by working the First Step do we truly realize that we are addicts, that we have hit rock bottom, and that we must surrender.
Step-by-Step Guide, First Step, Introductory Text
Not all of us walk into NA rooms with the certainty that we are addicts like the people we meet there. Some of us are dubious. Now that we’ve been clean for a few weeks, we remember our days of using a little differently: Was it that bad? Do we really have a “disease”? Sure, we have a drug problem, but not that we’ve ever been arrested for it. We have a roof over our heads and teeth in our mouths. We never traded sex for drugs, and all of our student loan payments were on time. Was our bottom that bad? Was it so terrible that it warranted a daily tradition? An old member gives us some unhelpful advice: “Maybe you’re not done yet.” That sounds ominous, and we definitely have a problem, so….
We stay clean and find a supporter. We take the Step Guide and, with the guidance of our supporter, begin to answer the questions as honestly and in detail as possible. By the time we get to the section on surrender, we have already written extensively about our “sickness”: the deep dishonesty and denial, the manipulation of people who loved and trusted us, all the laws we broke (even if we didn’t get caught), the powerlessness over our addiction, our obsession, our impulsivity, our compulsive behavior, the ungovernability we have created in our lives, and the reservations we may hold.
Seeing all of this there on the page, all of this evidence in black and white – it’s undeniable. I am an addict. In an ideal world, this is the moment of surrender from which we never look back. Certainly, this happens to many of us. This is the beginning of our surrender process, which opens the door to recovery. Some of us end up being made to do more “research,” hit a lower low, and give in later. Others never make it back.
I've already done a lot of research. Where is there disorganization in my life right now? What is it that has become an obsession for me? What can I do to surrender today?
