When we have self-compassion, we allow it to exist among people, and that makes us much more useful in the world.
Living Clean, Chapter 1, "We Grow Through Pain."
"I am my own worst enemy"
We've heard some version of this reasoning from addicts with four days clean, four years and four decades. "I am my own judge, jury and punisher" is another version of the same sentiment. We struggle with feelings of worthlessness, self-pity, paralyzing fear. The disease tells us that we are "not enough" or even that we are disliked. We remind ourselves of our big mistakes or obsess over the smaller ones. When these thoughts are most intense, we tend to isolate ourselves from the world, protecting others from engaging with us and ourselves from engaging with them. But we have also heard: “The mind of a drug addict is a dangerous one. You shouldn't be wandering there alone."
Self-compassion is a cure for self-obsession. What does this look like? It's about cutting ourselves some slack. It is to acknowledge, at least for a moment, that we are doing the best we can. It is channeling to ourselves some of the goodness that we generously offer to others. As we grow older, we learn to turn ourselves toward compassion when we're going through difficult times, when we don't live up to our own standards, or when we feel unworthy of love. We can be kind to ourselves – and break free from our own obstacles.
Compassion allows us to move forward. We see our value more clearly and can get out of the "bad neighborhood" of our mind more easily. By stepping out of our minds, we step out into the world where we are useful to others. In fact, being helpful to others is another key remedy for the chaos of our minds.
It takes practice to stop blaming ourselves for every difficulty and every mistake. Even with years of recovery, we are not always our most trusted ally, but with a little compassion, we can switch from the enemy's camp.
Today I challenge myself to look in the mirror and say, “Hey, you! You are a good person. You may make mistakes, but you still have a lot to offer. So get out of your shell - get out there and rock!”
