At the beginning of recovery, many of us had difficulty acknowledging our grudges. While working on our Fourth Step, after much deep thought, we finally decided that we held no grudges. Perhaps we had convinced ourselves that we are not so sick.
This kind of denial of our grudges is not intentional. It comes from the nature of our addiction. Most of our feelings were buried deep. After some time in recovery we develop a new understanding of what is happening to us. Those feelings that were buried deep begin to surface, and grudges we thought we didn't have suddenly become conscious.
As we examine these grudges, we may be tempted to hold on to some of them, especially if we believe they are justified. But what we need to remember is that justified grudges cause just as much harm as any other.
As our awareness of our faults grows, so does our responsibility to learn to let them go. We don't need to hold on to our grudges anymore. We want to get rid of what oppresses us so we can find the freedom we need to heal.
